Am I a complete luddite?

I was up early this morning to let the cats out. It was warm and wet out on the roof. No sign of ice in any of the birdbaths. It stays so cold inside the house I was startled when I opened the door to the garden. My fingers and right forearm were stiff & tingling after 3 or so hours of image editing in 56°F. I have no heat in my studio; what heat I get trickles in from the rest of the house. I am updating my design portfolio with the idea of going out to look for a job. It's an idea which appalls me.



As much as I love designing things and as much as I miss the camaraderie of an office full of people, I don't think I have the stamina to weather the demands of this type of employment any more. Actually, any type of employment. I'm too old to be whipped around by the senseless & quixotic demands of clients who never seem to know what they want until you've done the whole thing over 5 or 6 times. But, as it becomes daily more apparent that I will not be selling any more paintings any time soon....

All summer long, I painted in a large, raw [dirty, it must be said] space with only the most basic amenities, and came away with more and better work than I've ever been able to do before. I had no internet. When I needed a distraction from painting, I did things like sew dresses on the old treadle machine that's up there, or string beads into necklaces or pull weeds in a soothing rhythm of large & fine motor activity. I am old enough that occupations like these don't seem to me an unusual way to spend time. But now I'm back in the city, and most activities are harnessed to the computer. I volunteer in an after-school gardening group and my kids are addicted to their electronic appliances. It's hard to get anyone to complete a series of manual tasks when they are texting furiously all the time.

I know, I know. Life used to be slower and whatever. Kids nowadays, etc etc. I realize I am on the verge of fogey-ism. And, of course, we could all be blasted back into the stone age if certain world leaders have their way. I am trying to stay calm in the face of unimaginable possiblilites for the near future. Too much Negroponte & Kurzweil is worrisome. Why? Am I a complete luddite? Probably not, but I am a late adopter. I agree that linear growth is not the model for our time. But technology for its own sake? Such as nanobots interacting with our neurons? 3-dimensional self-organizing molecular circuits? reverse-engineering of the human brain? augmented real-reality & artificial intelligence? Hey, this stuff is really cool! Let's give computers to everyone in the world and see what they come up with.

And of course, there are phenomenally complex problems to solve. The slush and mush of world chaos feeds the exponential growth of technology.

I understand the creative urge, but my father was one of the scientists on the Manhattan project and even though it could be argued that "they" would have gotten there first and it was a win for the forces of good, I learned early what a source of great sorrow it was for us all. Has the world even learned to deal with that Pandora's Box yet?

:::

Yoga is the answer! I do it everyday to keep my brains from travelling too far in any schizoid direction. And don't ever forget: War is the complete failure of civilization.